Monday, September 13, 2010
This is my life
This is my life. This is my world. I would give up everything for this little girl. Nothing else matters when she is with me. This is why I choose to stay home on weekends than go out. I want to spend my time with her. I want see her grow up. Do I get time away from her, some "me" time. Of course I do. I do enjoy my time away as well. In fact, I have a 4 day vacation booked for a weekend soon, out of state... and she will be home with Andy. And I am VERY excited for vacation. But this little girl is my life. I know it sounds cliche, but my life changed the day she was born. It was no longer about me. It was all about her. My life was no longer about what was best for me.. it went to all her. I spend each day watching her grow up, helping her learn new things, teaching her new things, and finding new ways to educate others on her skin disease. She was given to us for a reason. I have always been great with getting the word out to others about things. I have always been one to write. I have always been one to educate. So that is what I do. I research at least once a day new things about EHK and Ichthyosis... and I pass those things on to the other families we know. I take those new things in and find a way to put it into our daily routine with Genevieve. I also take advantage of my education currently for early childhood education with a specialization in special needs children. I didn't just start this degree for a career later, I started it so I can help assist her educators when she starts school about the best ways to approach her education with her special needs. To help other children with their special needs as well. She is my life. She is my everything. And no matter who you are, she will come before you in my life.
As for other areas of my life, being that I keep getting questions. Are Andy and I together? Right now, no. We haven't been since about June. To people in our lives, we might as well be together. We are happy for the first time in a long time. We are taking a break, and focusing on ourselves (as selfish as that sounds), to become better partners for one another and better parents to Genevieve. We both know we want to be together, but over the last 2 years or so, we both have become people that neither of us are very proud of (towards one another). Part of this process is opening up to one another's families and friends. More so part of my process. In his life, there have been a lot of people who have not supported our relationship throughout our problems. It's been a lot of "leave her" type stuff. We've been together 3 and a half years and I've never felt accepted by his family. Not that I need to be a part of his family, but after this long, you'd think it would be a comfortable environment for me, and it's usually the farthest thing from. But I'm doing better. Stepping out of my shell, and trying to not think about recent events involving me and his family in the last 2 years. Situations that I have only talked to Andy and Alicia about. Are Andy and I still living together? Of course. We are not saying this is the end of our relationship. In fact, we both know that we want to be together, but we both have things to repair within ourselves first. We still are the same way towards one another, in the positive ways. Still affectionate. Still goofy and crazy in love with one another. But since starting to repair ourselves, there has been no arguing and more conversation. And also more consideration towards one another. So this is a good thing... no scratch that... this is a great thing. We are a family. We want to continue to be a family, together. And we are heading in the right direction for once.
As I mentioned I am headed on vacation soon. Just me and my best friend, no kids. 4 days of sun and beach. I will take advantage of the time to relax. Alicia has lived in Virginia for the last 3 years and just moved back to MN after graduating college. She has a beautiful 3 and a half year old daughter, and could also use a kid free vacation. And after living in different states for 3 years, we could use some best friend time together.
On an even bigger note, we (yes, me, andy and Viv) are moving. We have decided to terminate our lease and move into a rental house. It is much larger than our apartment, and has a huge yard and shop for andy to do work in. The best part, rent is cheaper than our apartment. That is why the decision was made. We can have more space for less a month. More space is a good thing for mine and andys relationship (as we kind of step on eachother's feet in the apt), good thing for Genevieve to have more room to run and play, and a good thing for little Kingston, who will have a yard again to run and play in. As of right now we do not know the exact move in date, as they are doing renovations to the house, but it will be sometime in October. We have to be out of our apt by Halloween.